i promise better content in the next post, today i'm whining again

I don't know why but ever since my migration to blogspot, most of my posts have been either sentimental or about some kind of resolution or whatever is happening to the sucky life of mine. They've lost the old glory of the xanga posts, for some reason. I have no idea why the content is dwindling - probably because I suck and I used to be better-more-awesomer before. I can't believe you peeps are still reading this thing... ain't nothing profound going on here, either. It's not like I have life inspired epiphanies or anything. Just plain old bitching and not very creative ones at that.

It's just a lukewarm soup of meh.

Anyhow, that aside, I've got the p90x package today and step one was to take "before" pictures and it was quite the shocker.

Self-confidence is sexy and these days, well, let me share a wikileak secret here - yours truly is definitely not after looking at those pictures. I should have taken those pictures before I ate my dinner-that-could-have-fed-a-country (a large chicken breast and carbonara pasta, and a sweet belgian waffle as dessert, I won't even bother with the calorie-counting at this point, since I also ate throughout the entire day). It would have scared me into non-eat. Just like how every time I - try to - buy swimwear I turn effing emo, this picture-taking is quite the hit on the ego.

The thing is, there's a constant struggle for me between being lazy versus being vain.... seriously, I don't know if I have it in me to work out hard enough to get toned and lean, ever, even if it's on the bucket list (and considering how much I eat, I have to work out very, very hard).

The saddest part is that I recognize my laziness and can't do anything about it (too lazy to do anything about it? it's getting very circular here). Next thing I know, Lazy Doremish is listening to the inner voice saying "embrace your beautiful curves, you're gorgeous!" à la Dove commercials. I laugh at the implication of "gorgeous" every time I see those ads. The cynical in me can't help but think about how a "gorgeous" woman wouldn't be part of a campaign to stand together naked in defiance and be called gorgeous. Yes no doubt they're "beautiful" in some ways, but the undertone is that they're not beautiful in conventional ways and they need a kind of validation.

Bah. Anyhow, so basically, I go through a bit of weight loss and then feel justified to eat more and exercise less again. It wasn't bad before, but my Asian genes can only save me for so long. I think the metabolism is becoming whiteified as I age and my friend Tummy Le Flubber looks like he's gotten comfortable and settled on me. I guess I just need to suck it up and work out more - i.e. consistently - and be patient (uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh).  Folks, and I say this with a sigh, this thing is turning into the hardest effing resolution ever.

Meeeeh.