Mish@(T-1) is smarter than Mish@T

I've finally taken some action on all the bitching I've made on my job - I've applied to a job that I pretty much liked in all aspects: the level,  the exposure, nature of the job, location, and even potential salary. Anyhow, after 3 rounds of interviews (all of which were pleasant and positive), 2 business cases and total of 2 months later, I got a call on a beautiful Friday morning telling me that they decided to go with someone with more experience in the specialized field, although I was in the Final. Gracious and classy as I was on the rejection phone call, after I hang up I was completely deflated.

The end of the year is fast approaching and people are getting promoted and receiving good feedback. Me on the other hand, being labeled a disloyal now, the world could be a lot less rosy for me. I'll be looking forward to feedback speaking of average, coupled with maybe insignificant, low exposure projects. Pride aside, though, the advantage of being an optimist is that looking at my current job, it pays the bills and feeds me. The question of survival is answered, and I guess I shouldn't be greedy. The system has a cunning way of making one dissatisfied with the current stage and constantly want to compete, and stay on top of the curve. I've always been in the trap (and still is, otherwise I would sound much less bitter now), but a reality check from time to time gives a healthy dose of ambition softener and probably lowers expectations and saves me from many more disappointments.

That being said, I wish the dose was administered in a quick pain fast death kind of way, instead of 8 weeks. My self-esteem is probably close to all time low now, as I feel that there is no prospect anywhere, on top of feeling sluggish both above and below the neck, unhealthy and failing utterly at keeping up my work out. Also being frustrated by a 2-stars-out-of-5 Sudoku does not help. What happened to the 23-year-old brain that Brain Age used to tell me I had? That was only 2 years ago! It's probably going to tell me my brain's 64 now...

Case in point, I'm constantly (and need to) idiot-proofing my future-self: extra money in back pockets, extra keys at work, putting my sister's phone number up on the billboard, setting up reminders in my email for all sorts of bills.... If each and every person had a stock, I'd probably short my own.