Rain, Rain, Go Away...

Anyone knows what this is? May have encountered them in animes / mangas or maybe even a small description in a novel? 

In Taiwan we call these the sunnyday ladies and we equip them with a broom, to sweep away the rain. In Japan they're sunshine monks (it's starting to sound like some character from Sailormoon), no brooms. 

I still make them from time to time when I really really really want it to stop raining, like the morning of the Ride for Heart. And what do you know, it did not rain during the ride! I should mention,  extra bonus with the Japanese version, if good weather indeed turns out, you draw in the face (they are made initially without) and have a shot of  pour sake.

The little magic leftover from childhood that we still believe in, eh? (The doll, not the sake). Is there any western equivalent to this or we just sing "rain rain go away"?

Yes I'm alive... yes I'm back....

Funny dream worth mentioning last night. I was in a true medieval castle complete with secret passage ways and cobble stone. With a large number of kids. My goal? Throw large dice onto their tiny foreheads. The whole thing went on pretty guerrilla-warfare style.

Not sure what the trigger of the dream was, but woke up with the satisfying feeling of the loud "toc" on a connecting throw, still fresh on my fingertips.

Much better than the previous dream where a large amount of monkeys were building my ingenious architectural designs with Legos. So much yelling.

---

I got new set of golf clubs, apparently they are really good ones whatever that means... every time I hold a golf club I can't help but find it amusing that someone went ahead and invented golf and how many sports were invented whose main goal is to pull balls into things *snicker*.

Anyhow, I'm four hundred dollars poorer due to equipment, and obviously still have no skills whatsoever to back it up... so I'm a big golf phony, probably like the previous owners, from the looks of these very gently-used clubs. Though I intend to play more and get better (it is quite fun to play, just awful to watch as a sport) I am hesitant in investing more, what with the shoes and the bag and outfit and everything else that people keep telling you to get. I'd feel like even a bigger fraud.

Maybe I feel the need to compensate for the pretentious nature of the activity by slumming it a bit? Something akin to white-guilt? Hm.

Morning commute.

I forgot my sunglasses... Of course the seat faces East.

I could close my eyes and pretend this is but a serene extended moment of morning ride.

Except there is a pair of deep-voiced ruskies who are obviously uncomfortable with silence.

That moment when you wish you knew how to meditate. I am the eye of the storm, I am the eye of the storm, I am the eye of the storm.....

On negativity...

My life in the past few week had been like winning the cash for life. Except instead of getting $1000 every week, I get crap life throws at me, sadness and exhaustion.

Probably need to find a way to get out of this slump and negativity, but that' obviously easier said than done. I've tried to stay positive, to work out frequently, etc..., but when you keep getting beat down, positivity takes a toll.

Hopefully next post will be more cheerful.

On being a mediocre piano player.

Not going to use the term "pianist" here, I think it is best reserved for folks that can actually eke a living out of their performances. And even though as far as I can remember piano has always been a part of my life, I know I'd never become a pianist.

The art itself simply does not allow for errors, it demands precision and perfection. While wee-little doremish would fold under Asian-parenting pressures and thrive for the absolute, those who know me now, know that I am far from a person that tries for 100% - I'm more of a, hm, "good enough"  kinda girl. While it makes me a mediocre piano player, it makes me a happier person in other aspects. And you know what? I wish I knew that a little earlier, that you don't need to be at the top to succeed in a field, heck you don't even need to be on the top 5-10%. You just have to be good enough.

But that little perfectionist in doremish, would stop her before she even started. 

Maybe thirty is a little old to discover this but at least now not being able to excel at something doesn't stop me from trying. And piano? piano will always be a part of my life, it will remain a hobby that entertains, an outlet for emotions and a reminder that I don't have to nail all the notes to play beautifully.

Sleepless again.

.

RIP little Hercules.

I don't know if that was why I couldn't sleep last night and was restless. He passed during his sleep, hopefully not painfully. I am glad I let him out to roam freely a couple of times and in his short life he got to experience a few moment of what it was like to be a rat, scurrying around and going into tunnels. I am glad I shelled out little extras for his hamster duvet, his toys and his hamster ball and that he got to enjoy them all.

Herc was a good listener, climber and wheel-runner. He was a smart little hamster, learned his name and my voice. In his life he had chewed wood blocks, metal bars, TV cable, Ethernet cable, table legs, chair legs, wall corners and my fingers, all tentatively.

He still looks like he would wake up anytime, sniff the air and do his rat things. Rest in peace little guy. It was nice having you around. I hope you felt the same about me.

Sleepless

Second snowstorm of the year, and bitter cold. Snowed in and blue. Me and my thoughts have never been good when left alone... even finishing the second season of Game of Thrones is not lifting my spirits either.
--
Had a new haircut yesterday, such a fail - the hairdresser didn't want to risk cutting the bangs too short and left them way too long. Attempted to fix it myself and honestly I don't know why I still haven't learned my lesson that it's a bad idea. I've fucked up my own hair once before.
--
Came home and dropped my glasses on the floor accidentally, picked it up and one of the lenses popped out and landed God-knows-where... Tried to look for it with only one lens in the glasses and a) couldn't see shit b) trying to use only one eye gave me a headache. End up feeling around the floor and finding a quarter in my boots. Must have been in there for a while now, no idea why I didn't feel it at all. I don't think I'd make a very good pirate.
--
Can't sleep, rare occurrence. All purple links on Reddit.

Little dumbass

Newest member of Li fam, meet Hercules, or Herc, or as I like to call him, Dumbass.
It's only been three days since he moved into the hood and his crib looks pretty darn sweet, two storeys with a tube system, a nest, and stuff. He decided to poop where he sleeps and eats, and then kicked out all the fluff with poo on it because well, it's got poo on it now. He also moved his entire nest into his tube-slide overnight. Now the tube has pellet poop everywhere too.
He climbs everywhere and falls everywhere, I guess when you're that fat you don't care. I'm not supposed to handle him for another couple of days till he gets settled, and little bastard seems to know. He tried to eat my finger already (probably because it smelled like butter).
Anyhow, tadaaa, hamster.

just popping in

Just came to say hello!

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Life's settled into a routine of 8-13-3 cycle, 8 hours of sleep, 13 hours of work, and 3 hours of commuting and showering and dining whatnot. Such is the year-end, such is the life of a sad bean counter.

Some peeps around me are going to New Orleans for a bachelor party... and I am super duper jealous. *I* wanted to go to New Orleans: jambalaya, po'boys, seafood, hot food, oysters, jazz, colorful stuff and people. Why not going to freakin' Vegas instead like everyone else? Dude's doing his wedding in Hawaii already. Add that to yet another thing that weddings ruin for me - travel destination. Now if I go there with V, it's not the same anymore. It's like going to a movie that the other person's already watched.

To think of it, I've rarely been on trips with a group of people - makes me all the more jelly. Sigh.

Add that to having had no vacations away in the past year and no further ones concretely planned in sight, and the bleh weather and the work load, we've got a pretty blue and bitter doremish today. 

Poopsicles.

working too much and working out too little

Story of my effing life - ironically, when I do have time off from work, I do just as little in terms of working out. Alas, there are some talks about an all-girl-trip to Mexico sometime in February... unless I find fat friends to hang out with from now on, I'll need to work out STAT. The last thing I need on top of a hectic schedule is a melt-down in the Bikini Village fitting room.

So here I am, after a 13 hour work day (39 hours in 3 days so far), getting changed to go spin the hamster wheel.... pat meh on the back!

oh man dude.

Looking back at the last couple of posts, I sound like someone that is about to write some bullshit self-help crap called "The Power of Positivity" or something. I can't believe no one has given me any flak so far.

Resolutions 2013 and etc.

Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo. It's resolution time!

Man... New Year started off with a terrible hang over. Last night I hope is one of the last shenanigans of my youth days. My poor body is to be treated like a temple (also, it can't recover quickly anymore. I was completely useless today).

Since I'm turning 30 this year now, so I will do myself a favour and try to eliminate elements that make me feel self-conscious or unhappy about myself. Here are some guidelines for myself in the next year:

• Being Positive. Bitch less.
  
  I know I know you don't need to tell me this is going to be hard. But this is soooo important to the goal of keeping myself happy at work. As long as I stay positive and not partake in office gossips, I will less likely be involved in the office politics if there is any. I am happy at work and intend to stay so :)
  
  
• Incorporating workout into my routines - let it become part of my lifestyle.
  
  A year ago I wanted to eat healthier and the resolution has come a loooong way. I can't remember the last time I ate or even craved junk food, or just pigged out to the point of feeling sorry. Last summer I stayed active, thanks to friends support. This is just a reminder that I should keep it up, through good weather and bad.
  
  
• Finding good pairs of jeans that don't make me feel uncomfortable.
  
  Until I find a pair of jeans that doesn't make me feel crappy, I will bitterly remain in the Jeans-Haters Club. See, practically every time I wear them now, I feel like shit. They are tight, they sit right below my belly and squeeze the flub in a way that makes it hang out. Add to this any top with even the slightest stretch fabric and we've got an illusion that makes me either look like I've gained 10 lbs or become pregnant. These goddamn muffin-top makers definitely do not make me feel positive or healthy or whatever it is I'm trying to become. It's even making me dread Jeans Fridays - I routinely "forget" it's Jeans day because honestly I'd rather look office-hot in my sooper comfortable skirts.
  
  So mission critical it is.... anyone knows a good place to start let me know!

as promised, the top 2012 discoveries

Damn, my year end reflections have sucked so much in recent years. I look back into my early 20s and I wrote more interesting stuff back then, even if it's just random ramblings. What happened?!?! Did I get old and boring?!?!?! Haha.

- Steam. Yeah yeah, I'm going to get boo'd by some of you because I've been getting game codes since 2011 and never really appreciated it, I'm an ungrateful bitch, what can I say... mea culpa (ugh, this is the kind of stuff I say now? Latin? I would have disgusted my 20-year-old-self). But this year, I had the pleasure to partake in some multiplayer and it was purrrtty darn fun. Can't say I've ever done that much, what with my technology always a little behind and all. Memorable games - Orcs must die 2, Journey, and yes, even Diablo 3 (there was maybe 10 good hours in there, good enough - and yes I really want to like it).

- New job! Maybe I'm still in my honeymoon phase because it's only been 5 months so far but this is the best one so far.  

- The greatness of not-giving-a-fuck. Growing up as an immigrant kid wasn't a piece of cake, even less as a kid that has always been eager to please others. Y'kinda try to be liked by everyone, y'know. This year I've somehow had a few epiphanies and toned down the need for validation, it's still a work in progress but I feel less need to be liked by people who don't deserve the attention. Result? Better quality of life. No longer having to show up at parties with annoying peoples at annoying places. Seriously. Everyone should try it out. It even expands your vocabulary (see "mea culpa" above). I've been winning at Bananagram because I stayed in and read so much. 

- Reddit. I don't even need to say why.

Basically, in 2012, I tuned in my inner antisocial nerd and now hold a winning streak record at Bananagram during Xmas gatherings. And I don't know why but I'm okay with it. I'm gonna turn 30 soon and as opposed to my turning-20, I feel a helluva lot less depressed. I think the next decade will be just fine, and everything everything will be alright! (alright!).

Huh. Maybe that's why people talk about quarter and mid life crisis but never "third life crisis"? Watch me have a complete melt-down in 10 years though. I'm calling it now. 

I can't believe I haven't talked about Diablo 3

Man, if I have to do a 2012 Retrospective, Diablo 3 is probably somewhere near the top of my list of disappointments of the year.

Maybe it is impossible for a game to live up to so much hype and expectations? I don't know. I've been excited about Diablo 3 since 2010, went to the midnight launch and even mentally prepared my surroundings to not see me for at least 30 days after the game launch date... but after Day 1 I was already back in the kitchen making sammiches, and I had showered every single day. Being unemployed and ready to play didn't even give me an edge due to server issues in the initial week. I'd say I maybe had some 20 hours of jubilation, and way more hours of frustration.

< nerdrage > Was it the lack of variety in viable builds? The insta-deaths in Inferno? The let-down that is Whimsyshire compared to the fun that was Cow level? The Auction house being the only logical venue for gears? I felt like I was hacking and slashing to feed a shopping addiction. And I hate shopping. It's pretty darn hard to make me get bored at clicking-mouse-to-see-monsters-explode, but somehow it did it. < /nerdrage > 

Now I hear tales from traveler, that the issues are fixed, that it is fun times in the Sanctuary again. I hear that loots are fat and rewards are high. But here I am staring at my PC screen and thinking, damn, you know what Diablo, you coo and stuff, and I know you've changed but I'd rather try something else now. Sorry buds.

--

While we're on the topic of disappointment, we might as well start our 2012 Retrospective... what other big let-downs were there?

- Oh oh oh. The Gourmet Food & Wine Expo of big fat mehness. More like, The Gourmeh Food & Wine Expo, amirite, eh, eh? (Okay, certainly not my best pun...)

I was so looking forward to this one too. Last year was fun - went in eat a couple of funky things, drank some good drinks with friends and good times was had with all. This year though, felt like some douches in the bridal show industry organized it or something. So many snotty swindlers behind bars charging way too much for samples, and the deserving crowd was helluva douchier. I was kinda peeved that we got there late, in retrospect I would have been happier not getting there at all.

- Not that I had overly high expectations for this one, but Wedding Planning also sucked giant dingdongs. I can rant about this crap all day, all night, Johnny, la genta esta muy loca.

- My new phones... okay this is pretty hard to admit. I do love finally upgrading from a jurassic phone to a smart phone, and data and all that flash and bangs that allow me to share my dinners and purchases with everyone because I'm soooooo important; but man, I miss the battery life and reliability of my old trusty, unbreakable phones. Yeah I'm connected and stuff but on the flip side (flip, phone, seewhatididthere? no? okay go to sleep doremish you suck at puns), I find myself staring at the little spinning-waiting-to-load icon a lot. I miss having the cord of the landline to twirl and swing, to yell to someone to pick up the phone in the other room, and the clarity of long distance calls. I miss  being able to lose my phone, for a whole week, and rediscover it only when the snow on top has melted, and still pick it up and use it like nothing happened.

I miss old school sturdy shit.

--

Next episode: 2012 Top Discoveries!

the instruction manual, continued

In all seriousness, though, if we're asking me to tell people how to behave around me, although whatever was in the last post still applies, I think I also...

- am pretty easy-going in terms of being micromanaged or not, as long as directions make plenty of common sense (though I prefer not to be).
- am unable to work when space is too cluttered - if bowl no empty, how can it be filled with things?!?
- am unattracted to snacks, chocolates, candies and your usual distractions.
- am attracted to light, noises, laser beams, and your unusual distractions.
- am more efficient in the morning.
- definitely need some work by myself for the part of me that is introverted.
- don't want to be promoted every year, I'd rather work to understand my tasks well.
- don't care about that raise and title, as long as it's fair relatively to peers.
- still working on my shyness.

If I was asked the same question a year ago, the answer would probably have been different and a lot less candid. In the past year I think I learned more about myself than any other. Sure it was a rough year but I'm even happy with the wrong career decision I made. I learned what it feels like to be in the wrong field for the wrong reasons, as opposed to just simply going out of the comfort zone. It was a mistake that taught me when is it right to flip the effing table and call it quits (e.g. postpone wedding).

And quitting without a job ahead taught me shit that I'd never learn on a safe path. The effect of being self-sufficient on a psychological level. How to not-give-a-fuck, or at least appear not to. Knowing what the bottom looks like makes me less scared of failures. I dabbled in translation, investing and selling real estate, being unemployed, living conjugally, doing nothing, holding out for the right job - all with varying degrees of success but fuck it. It's better than living full of regrets, could-haves and should-haves.

- Whoa. Why so serious.

the instruction manual

So this was initially going to be a Rant about Redbull topic and my prissy friend J decided that I needed to answer this question that he got during one of his recent job interviews. One of those behavioural (stupid spell check, it's spelled with a "u" in Canada thank-you-very-much) interviews I guess? First time I hear this question and it is kind of refreshing as opposed to "So tell me about a time when you were in a conflict situation at work...." Gah, I hate interviews.

So the question was "If you had to write an instruction manual about yourself, what would you include in it?"

Well first of all, it'd be from Taiwan so it's probably going to have an ugly Simsun font and all the typos ... cover page would probably have something along the lines of "Plese open for how-to DIY doremesh model 1.1. Careful read." Whoa, it actually hurt my head to type that and read it after. It's also sounding eerily like a real-doll user manual (honestly do they come with user manuals? I am now curious to find out). Hoooookay, shouldn't have googled. Freaked me out. Focus dammit, focus!

DIY doremesh model 1.1. Careful read.

Doremsh enjoy most witty humourous persons and stories. Give her dog or cat or wonderful animals with fuzzies - watch her happy! No Hello Kitty (Warning! Very Important!) or other "Asian-y crap and stupid plush toys". She is very strong feeling about them. Her favourite food? good home made chinese but no sweet. She likes play vidoegame and piano but her parents no strict so she no play good piano. Uh-oh! bad noises at home sometimes (I am sorry, no refund). Give her piano music - watch her happy! Give her nice people, game with words, books - watch her happy! Doremish need 8 hours sleep for optimal functioning until 80 maybe. Feed 3 times or more every day.

Doremihs dislikes: chinese ghosts and jumping zombies (very scary to her!), "typos" and stupidity (you ask her about this, try! witty humourous happy times, lots of things stupid for doremish such like "Rebdull"). If you pretentious or friends, careful. Bad food for empty stomach, careful. Hungry, careful. Lady shark week, VERY careful!! Sometimes no like shopping. If many people see doremish, Leave lonely one day or two day. Unhappy doremish maybe less 80 years functioning. No refund.



PS - Who else read it in their head with a Chinese accent? LOL.

Yaawwnnnnn

All work and no play for the next few weeks. Well, actually work and play just no exercising or proper chill time. Boo.

Debating whether I should go to the annual traditional tailgate... Or just chill at home like a good hermit again.

=

The other day I dreamt I was visiting my childhood home in Taiwan again, and passed by our neighbor childhood friend's place. Every time I have this dream, I would try to visit but they would never be home. Woke up wondering where they at now, those random people I met in my life and was once close to.

As a 10-year-old wee doremish, I used to have to be tutored in French while the other students went to Ethics class (ohhh just occurred to me, this explains a lot). There used to be a teacher that would just chill around with us 3-4 kids trying to converse with us in French to help us speak it better.

My tutor was Réjean. Réjean was probably close to retiring and looked like Santa, smelled like too much cigarettes and coffee, and was the most patient person ever. He taught me to play chess, which I remember being ok at, but forgot now how to play. I never managed to beat him though... We solved the most puzzles, chatted, and he even came to my rescue when the cafeteria supervisor lady for some reason started telling at me (I was in tears). I looked forward to what I called in my mind Réjean-time. After I changed school I wrote him (addressed to the school) proud letters of how my marks improved and he would reply with encouragements.

Since I suck at keeping in touch, I eventually stopped writing. I have no idea where he is at, how he is, and normally don't remember anything about him except occasionally, like now, I am reminded of someone special like that and wish that they are happy.

Huh. Sentimental.

I'm hardworking. Whaaaa.

So the new job commenced about a month ago and I'm milling away like a happy worker. Been doing quite a bit of over-time but at least time flies by so fast at work.

Look at me. The content ordinary person. I have an RRSP, my TFSA, a place to call home, a loving wi .... I mean, boyfriend and rec league sports and good company on weekends.

But man it makes for a terrible blog doesn't it?

September woes

It's Monday morning in mid-September and I'm sitting here in my trench thinking it's too goddamned early to be this cold. All I hear is cough and sniffles.

Not to bore you peeps with weather news but the thing is as 'comfortable' as it is now I really really just like summer. Fall reminds me of winter.

Speaking of seasons, young and foolish doremish used to think the four seasons are supposed to fall neatly into the calendar year, ie Jan-Feb-Mar is spring, Apr-May-Jun is summer etc. And that seasons in Canada aren't perfectly timed, because it's more of a Mar-Apr-May spring type of thing. I don't know where I got those silly ideas. I blame my French welcome-class to teach us seasons and divisions at the same time.